Who Is Kit House?

To understand "Internet Sensation Kit," you really need to meet "Preteen Bible Camper Kit." You might remember me if we ever shared a cabin. I showed up for all activities on-time and I convinced myself that everything was fun, even the hat-making crafts and the unity-building games. When mischief was involved, I was nowhere to be found. I knew only a little about the world outside of my cabin and meeting space, and I knew it from the stories of the ne'redowells who had disappeared for long stretches during unsupervised time. I was outgoing, but also pensive and moody, and I tended to be alone at least an hour every day. I wore T-shirts with a fake Nike logo that said "Air Jesus." I wanted to distinguish myself from my peers in every inconsequential matter, but I didn't influence my peers in many weighty issues.

Now I do not desire to be the opposite of who I was, but I certainly recognize the limitations of Kit circa 1993. I am still pensive and moody, and I enjoy a good game of "Human Knots." However, "churchianity" has less of a hold on my life now, and I strive to live for Christ rather than a catchphrase. I also don't have the T-shirt anymore, but I might consider wearing one for the sake of comedy.

Who Is Jon Goings?

The story of my life begins in the 19th chapter from the book of Jonathan (using the New Standard Living King Jon International Message Translation or NSLKJIMT).

Chapter 19 (78) In the beginning God created a little baby from the heavens who would change the earth. (79) The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. (80) And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and began his journey by watching 'The Empire Strikes Back' at what is now an International House of Pancakes. (81) His mother treasured all these things in her heart. (82) And there arose a great storm of Preston, and his waves beat into Jonathan's ship, so that it was now full. (83) Jonathan wept. (84) And Jonathan grew, not necessarily in wisdom or stature, but he has rounded out nicely and has found favor with all you can eat buffets. (85) Skip a bit, brutha.

Chapter 20 (7) On the third day Jonathan's mother said to him, "I'm out of tequila." Jonathan said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water." The servants then turned the hose on Jonathan and replied, "Fill it yourself, sucka." (8) That is exactly what I intend to do. Fill "it" myself.